Signing Off, "I'm Allright In Bed But Better With The Pen."

Flashback

            Spring was full blown at the Sunshine Park. The air was thick with pollen from the flower bushes crowding the playground, making my nose tingle with excitement. My mama had brought me here to practice my “abilities”. Our family had a long line of gypsy blood in it, giving us certain gifts. I had no idea what my gifts were yet but one that I was developing was the ability to See and Read others auras. Auras were colors that hovered over ones head like a splendid halo, indicating their moods and sometimes their thoughts.

                My mama claimed to have all sorts of abilities and promised to explain them further when she was finished with her work. She was sitting under a weeping willow, reading tarot cards for anyone willing to listen. I on the other hand, being a young six year old, ran off immediately to collect daisies and braid them into my bushy black hair. There were two boys crouching in a sandbox near by, pointing every so often in my direction. It couldn’t be anything too bad, their auras showed kind hearts. The skinnier boy’s was light gray meshed with white tips, suggesting he was very timid and innocent. The larger boy had a balanced aura of light gray and lime green, suggesting he too was a bit timid but also very outgoing when the time was right. He was the one pointing more while the other shushed him. I waved happily at him, scooting closer to hear better.

                “Did you see her? She’s gotta be one of them gypsy girls my gram tells us stories about.” The chubbier boy said excitedly, pretending to crash his toy car into a ball. The other boy frowned.

                “You don’t know her Spencer.” He said pulling the ball away.

“I bet she’s got Fairy Dust in her pockets.”

I sighed. I really wanted Fairy Dust.

“You’re silly. I’m gonna play with the ball.” The smaller boy jumped up out of the sand with the ball in hand, ignoring his friend sticking his tongue out at his back. A feeling in my stomach insisted that I had to know this boy, so I dropped my flowers and crept closer. He bounced the ball too high though and it went bouncing off towards the road.

“Ball!” He cried and ran after it. There was a bright…white…

FLASH

Everything looked kind of fuzzy around the edges but I could still see the boy running out to the street. Someone was calling his name, I didn’t know how I knew it but I did; they were screaming it really. He didn’t even get a chance to look back when his fingers skimmed the top of the ball and a truck hit him. His tiny body went up and over the truck, almost gracefully like a falling swan, and hit the ground, crumpling like a rag doll with a sickening crack of broken bones. I knew he was dead, gone forever the moment his aura went out like a light bulb blowing. Why hadn’t I noticed the thorny black crown around his head?

FLASH

I gasped, looking around frantically until my eyes fell onto the boy, still running for the road. What was going on? Had no time passed? It didn’t matter because within a few seconds he was going to die.

“STOP!” I screamed, running as fast as I could for a toddler after him. He didn’t even look back, chasing the blue ball wildly like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

“George, stop!” I screamed, the name coming to me from my vision. That’s what the woman was yelling. I wondered briefly where she was now. The boy stopped though between two parked cars, staring back at me in confusion. The speeding truck destined to kill him went by, taking the ball with it. I sighed in relief.

“That truck! You…there. Duh.” The boy Spencer said pointing at George, looking dumbfounded.

“How did you know?” George asked, his mouth hanging open in amazement. I shrugged, twirling a piece of hair around my finger.

“Spencer’s the name, angel girl.” He said, offering his hand. I hesitated before shaking it. Gypsy children weren’t supposed to hang around with others for fear our abilities would alter their chosen path. Mama had scolded me when I told her my neighbor friend Lola had said this. Mama thought it was nonsense. Being with only our own people altered their paths more dramatically, she would say. George also shook my hand.

“What’s your name, ‘cause you know mine.” George asked and I rubbed my arm.

“Xilia.”

End Flashback

I sat on my bed, my leg crossed under my butt as I let the other hang off the side. Dashboard Confessional played mournfully in the background as I sketched a scene in my new book. The pencils were fantastic for shading with stumps and erasers. The Christmas party wore on in the living room. It was around 12:30 am in the morning and Kimy had come stumbling in, half-awake, asking for my camera. I couldn’t sleep. Too many things ran through my head. I knew Ryan was going to tell me what I wanted to hear earlier but had wimped out. I sighed, pieces of bangs blown from my face. There was a knock at the door.

“Come in.” I said. The door opened and Ryan walked in, looking sheepish. I glanced up and him and returned to drawing.

“How’s the party?” I asked casually.

“Loud, that’s for sure. Brendon’s throwing a fit because Haley broke his time for drinking the whole punch bowl. Then they had a competition over who could hit a target with their spit out the window. Spencer went downstairs and outside to draw a target on the sidewalk. Needless to say, Haley’s winning.”

I chuckled, able to picture that well.

“So what’choo doin’?” He wandered closer with his hands stuck in his pockets.

“You mean besides drawing?” I said in a “duh” tone of voice.

“Drawing? Scribbling on paper’s not drawing Xio.” He said matter-factly. I snorted. He leaned in and looked at it.

“Very pretty.”

“Thanks.” I was drawing a young girl’s profile as she walked down a street, a brick wall to her left and an expanse of land to the right. Past the part she’d walked, plant life had erupted in the cracks of the sidewalk and the land while the part she hadn’t passed yet was boring and humdrum. Rose petals floated up from the dust as she walked.

“I like the colour.” He said pointing to the vibrant plant life.

“Thanks.” I said again.

“Are you gonna say anything else?”

“Nope.”

“Just one word answers?”

“Yup.”

There was silence.

“Those were cool shoes you got.”

I threw my pencil down and glared at him.

“Damnit Ryan, do you have something to say to me or not?” I snapped angrily. He shuffled his feet.

“God, you make me sick.” I fumed as I slammed my books shut and jammed the pencils in their case. I stood and pushed him aside to put them away.

“What did I do?” He asked defensively.

“What didn’t you do?” I asked mockingly. He watched me put my things in my desk. I slammed the drawer shut and turned, glaring at him with a hand on my hip.

“Ryan, when exactly are you going to do something? I can’t wait forever.” I said.

“I’m here aren’t I? I’m trying.” Ryan said, inspecting his shoes as if they were the only answer.

“Oh muh gawd, I’m twing so hawd Xio! Please hold muh hand!” I said in a sing-song voice, imitating a five year old. I waited for him to say something. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, and closed it in defeat. I rolled my eyes.

“Just get out. Jesus.” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose and fanning my face. He walked slowly to the door, dragging his feet with his shoulders hunched.

His hand was on the knob when he whispered, “I love you.”

I froze, staring at his back. He opened the door and scooted out.

“Ryan, come back here.” He stopped with one foot out the door and one in my room but didn’t come in. “Now.”

He scooted back in, a crimson blush stretched across his face and refused to meet my eyes. I moved closer to him until I could look up into his face. He stared back at me.

“Why couldn’t you just say that? Was it really so hard to admit?” I asked, trying not to sound as hurt as I felt. He took in a deep breath and looked at me again.

“I’m scared.” He said.

“Scared?”

“Yes. I’m scared about how I feel about you. I’m scared you might just laugh in my face. I’m scared that even if you feel the same way, the band might not. I’m scared that even if the band doesn’t mind, that we might fall apart and drag them down with us.” He looked away.

“That’s too many things to keep up with Ryan.” He nodded quickly, still looking away. I reached up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled his face to mine. He looked panicked for a second before our lips met and we kissed. His soft lips were pressed hungrily against mine and I felt him lift me up and spin me around. We broke apart.

“That might have been worth it all.” He said quietly, a small sheepish smile playing on his lips.

“Might have?” I raised an eyebrow and he laughed. He claimed my lips again as he pushed me back on the bed. We sat there for a while. Eventually, we might actually talk about the band’s feelings.

I woke up slowly, sensing the other body next to mine and turned to look into Ryan’s face. He was already smiling.

“Hello.” He said.

“Hello.” I said, scooting up to so my arms were folded against his chest.

“Nice shirt.” He said laughing. I blushed, looking down at my ratty old classic My Chemical Romance shirt. I’d gotten it a couple of years ago and it still fit.

“What about you, Mister Plaid?” I said poking him. He was wearing blue, plaid pajama bottoms and a blue t-shirt.

“At least they’re not five years old.” He fingered a hole in the sleeve of my shirt. I smacked his hand away.

“Oh shut up!” We laughed. He brushed some hair from my face and tucked it behind my hair.

“Should we get up?” I asked.

“Naw, let’s just lie here, undiscovered.” I laughed at his reference to Dashboard Confessional. I snuggled closer, my face in his shirt. He fingered my hair.

“So you really like me, right?” I looked at him, giving him a “are you serious?” look.

“Do you think I’d be here with you if I didn’t?”

“I guess not.”

“Good. Because you stole my heart the moment we met.” He smiled and lifted my chin for another kiss. There was banging at the door.

“Yo Ryan! I just totally pwned Haley in Guitar Hero Sword Fighting! Her sissy pink thing broke on mine! Flippin’ awesome dude!” Brendon shouted as he banged away. Ryan gave me an apologetic look and jumped out of bed. He flung open the door.

“Dude, do you mind?” Ryan said. Brendon shrugged, his plastic guitar hanging around his neck.

“You obviously weren’t sleeping.” Brendon peeked in and saw me in the bed.

                “Wait a second…” He started but Ryan shut the door in his face.

                “And thanks for visiting.” Ryan said, dive-bombing into the bed and tickling me.

                “Ryan, stop!” I gasped, laughing hysterically. I jumped up, nearly hitting the ceiling, and landed on his back. He said something muffled by the covers and I clamped onto his back with my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck.

                “RAwr!” Ryan cried, pushing himself up and spinning in the middle of my room.

                “I’mmm gunnna be SICK!” I yelled and he stopped, stumbling because he’d made himself dizzy too. He opened the door and stumbled into the hallway.

                “Coming THROUGH!” Ryan shouted, running down the hallway holding onto my legs. Kimy squealed and rushed back into her room.

                “Oh shit!” Ryan said and tripped, falling to the ground face first and flinging me forward. I was still laughing and ignored the stinging on my chin. He was laughing too and crawled over to give me a kiss on the forehead and lips.

                “Well then.” Meika said, her head over the back of the couch looking over us. “Guess I missed something.”

                “I didn’t! I already knew.” Brendon announced, sounding extremely proud of himself.

                “Knew what?” I said innocently as Ryan helped me up.

                “Don’t play dumb with me, missy. I know you too were sleeping together in that bed.” Brendon said wagging a finger at me. Ryan sat next to him on the couch and I proceeded to sit on him.

                “I wouldn’t say that now.” I said mischievously.

                “If it wasn’t about time.” Kimy said sitting on the floor.

                “I am most happy for you two! We all have been wanting so badly for you to join together. I’ll make pancakes!” Haley said from the loveseat. She looked at Spencer and elbowed him.

                “Uh, yeah. Good for you guys.” He said and Haley looked pleased.

                “So I’ve got my outfit all ready and everything for the New Year’s thing. It’s in Time Square, right?” Kimy said, lying down on her stomach on the floor.

                “Yeah. I think we’ve got to get there real early too for sound checks and to get our instruments in order.” Brendon said, sitting down on the floor too to inspect his guitar.

                “Is that a Pink Spiders sticker on there?” I asked suddenly, trying not to laugh.

                “No!” Brendon said indignantly, covering up the sticker. I snickered at him.

                “Zack called and said he’d pick us up in the bus because we’re going right back on tour after that.”

                “Jeez, glad I packed a day ago.” Ryan said and I leaned back against him.

                “But there’s still a couple days till that. What are we gonna do?” Meika said. Ryan nuzzled the back of my head and I giggled. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, cuddling in Ryan’s arm, while our friends, our band, sat around us talking on about normal things. The world hadn’t come to an end as Ryan had feared.

                I glanced up at his happy face, hazel eyes shining in the morning light as he laughed at some joke and I realized that I could be happy like this. And everything felt like it was fitting into place. I looked around at my friends and felt the contentment setting in. All we had to worry about now was the New Year’s Party. For today, that was it before the days stretched on into more tours and new CDs. And I would be more than honored to do that with them.

Writer’s Worries: Wow, as if THAT didn’t take long enough. Sorry about that, I doubt you guys are even reading it anymore. But like with most things, I didn’t really want this story to end. But here it is. I’m thinking of writing a sequel, I have a few ideas, but I’m also writing this other fabulous story about gypsies and the band. It’s great. I might post some of it so you can tell me how you feel. I hope you’ll keep reading my work. Ta ta for now!

Love,

                Xio.

The apartment was entirely silent as I walked through the hallway. Ryan was taking a nap in my room, my spiteful attitude with him having gone now. I’d even offered him my bed as payment for the piano. He accepted without stopping to think for a second. A note was pinned outside my door. Apparently everyone else had gone out to buy food. I could see someone sleeping on the couch though. It was Brendon, his black hair hanging in his face and hand down his pants in the same way as the day we’d left for the tour.

He was mumbling in his sleep, making me giggle when he moaned Meika’s name. I watched him for a few minutes, reminded of a young child, until he sat up suddenly. This startled me and his eyes fluttered as he stood. He motions weren’t slow like a zombie’s but not as fast as they should be.

“Meika.” He said, his voice completely emotionless. I’d forgotten he was a sleepwalker. I stared at him, waiting for something to happen.

“Meika.” He said again and I backed away, remembering how he’d thought I was Meika the last time this happened.

“I’m Xio, Brendon. Xio.” I said cautiously.

“I love you Meika.” He said smiling and he walked slowly around the couch, mumbling nonsense.

“Sea monkeys shouldn’t bother us today, put out orange rinds to make them trip. The champagne? Let me pour it for you.”

I moved around the couch as he did, intending to keep it between us as a barrier.

“What, this old thing? Mermaids. Mermaids in Venice. Thas’ right, swam to the bottom and they made it for me mum. Loved it, she did. Or was it her mum? All’s well that end’s well, I always say.”

He suddenly dived over the couch and grabbed me, threw me on the couch, and got on his knee.

“Meika, will you be mine?” He asked, pulling a small eggshell coloured box from his shirt with a big, soft yellow ribbon around it. I gasped at his question. Was he going to ask Meika to marry him?

“Brendon, I’m not Meika.” I said sternly, snatching my hand away. Brendon’s face literally collapsed and tears fell from his eyes in violent streams.

“It’s the mailman, isn’t it? I spent all my time racing him with my golfcart and you’ve forgotten me. I’ll leave him Meika! I promise! I’ll even paint the cart orange!” His body was racked with dry sobs as he fell to the ground.

“Ryan!” I yelled, becoming frightened as it looked like Brendon wasn’t able breath between sobs.

“I only wanted to fandango with you.” Brendon gasped.

“Ryan!” I screamed, getting hysterical. I fell on my knees beside Brendon and slapped his cheek a few times. He was hiccupping several times in a row and gasping horribly.

“Move Xio.” Ryan said from behind me. I looked back at him to the bucket of water he had and jumped out of the way. He threw it down on Brendon and his body went limp immediately.

“Ryan, he’s dead! He’s dead Ryan! You’re not supposed to do that when they’re sleepwalking!” I cried, flinging myself across his torso. His chest wasn’t rising. He wasn’t breathing.

“Xio, calm down. He’s fine. He’s just started sleeping again.” Ryan said, sounding tired all of a sudden. I leaned back to look at Brendon’s face and it was calm, wiped of the terror etched in his face moments before. If anything, he looked blissful. Maybe his proposal was going better in his mind. I brushed aside some hair hanging in his face and kissed him on the forehead.

“Don’t ever give me a scare like that again, mister.” I said to him. I stood and noticed Ryan giving me an odd look.

“What?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” He said and sat down on the couch. He patted the spot next to him and I sat too. I noticed the small box on the couch as well.

“He loves her.” I said quietly, gazing at the small box. I reached over and picked it up, its silken bow comforting on my fingertips.

“What?” Ryan looked curious as he peered at my hand.

“Brendon want’s Meika to be his.” I said, turning the box over and opening it. Inside was a small silver ring with a pearl in the middle and small diamonds around the band. I took it out and looked at it longingly.

“Oh.” Ryan said quietly, sounding surprised. He turned away as I flipped the ring in my palm. It looked older, a bit scratched with intricate designs of vines and leaves carved into the sides. I felt a large lump in my throat all of a sudden and blinked back tears.

I didn’t understand why I felt this way. I’d always wanted someone to be there for me, someone to hold my hand and tell me when I did things right or when there were better roads to travel. Brendon and Meika had that and like every other romantic girl in the world, I too wanted that. I looked over at Ryan, who was still turned away and I looked back down. I returned the ring to the box and put it on the end table. Some things were harder to get.

“Xio, Xio! Wake up! It’s Christmas!” Ryan said excitedly as he shook me awake. I opened my eyes and gave him a filthy look. I was bone tired and not in the mood for this. I’d stayed up longer than necessary last night when Meika insisted on a Christmas party. Eggnog was a bad choice.

“Ryan, I’m tired. Can’t it wait?”

He looked offended and shocked.

“Wait? WAIT? Wait for Christmas? That’s it.” He then proceeded to pick me up, blankets and all, kick open the door, and carry me to the living room.

“Jesus Christ, did you eat Zack or something? You weigh a ton!” Ryan whined, throwing me down on the couch. Brendon and Kimy roared with laughter.

“At least I’m not as fat as you! Jesus, have you looked in a mirror? One size fits most, Ryan.” I said laughing. He grinned and sat down beside me, snuggling under my covers.

“I have completed the annual tradition of the birth of Christ.” Haley exclaimed, walking in with a large platter of cookies and rather festive skiing outfit in the red, green, and white colours. It was topped off by a Santa hat. Everyone else was still in their pajamas. Only Haley could pull off such a festive outfit.

“Beautifully, I might add.” Spencer said grinning as he pulled her into his loveseat. She giggled like a schoolgirl.

“Stop it guys, I might gag.” Meika groaned, leaning back against Brendon as they sat on the floor.  Kimy laughed as she walked in and threw me my digital camera.

“Record this please. I heard this might be good.” Kimy said smiling and sat on the floor by the tree, obviously claiming the spot of gift giver.

“Spencer from Haley and vise versa.” Kimy stated, handing each their present. Spencer ripped his open immediately while Haley carefully opened hers, folding the paper to save it.

“Awesome! A speaker for my sidekick!” Spencer said happily, holding it up.

“An autobiography on LeeAnn Skeeter, my favorite soccer player. Thank you Spencer” Haley said, kissing him. I took a picture of that and them holding their gifts up. They opened other gifts from everyone else. Spencer getting a jacket, shoes, and photos while Haley got shoes, gift cards, and a signed soccer ball.

“Ryan to Xio and vice versa.” I chose to ignore this pairing and opened my present. It was a large sketchbook with stickers stuck on the front. I could see one of My Chemical Romance, Old School, Garfield, and Panic to name some. There was also a pack of drawing pencils.

“Thanks Ryan.” I said smiling as Kimy took our pictures instead.

“Vintage, very nice.” Ryan said smirking as he held up his comic. I beamed. I also got black and pink converses, My Chemical Romance’s third album, and a couple of shirts. Ryan got some Ice Cream shoes, a speaker for his sidekick, and makeup for the show.

“And now one to Brendon from Meika but not one for her.” Kimy raised an eyebrow as she handed Brendon his gift. He said nothing and opened it.  It was a new guitar for the Guitar Hero with his name in big letters and pictures of all of us or stickers of things he liked covering the whole thing. Meika tried vainly to keep her face void of emotion, sadness creeping up at the idea that Brendon had gotten her nothing.

“I did get you something Meika.” He said quietly, looking down as he pulled the box from his pocket. I was recording at this point. Kimy and Haley gasped simultaneously.

“I just wanted to know if you wanted to be mine. I’m not really asking you to marry me, we’re too young for that I thought-” He slipped the ring onto Meika’s finger as silent tears trekked down her surprised face, “-but it’s kind of like a promise ring.”

I felt a lump in my throat from looking at Meika. She looked speechless. I felt a little worried at her response when and if he asked her to really marry him.

“You couldn’t have just bought me a stuffed Gir?” She choked out and Brendon shook his head, smiling nervously. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

“You stole that idea from me, dude.” Spencer said. Haley smiled a small smile as she held out her own ring. I noticed Ryan sitting up a little straighter.

“So what if I did? You’re not the first, T.K..” Brendon gave Spencer a loud raspberry, which he chose to ignore.

“And my turn!” Kimy said excitedly as she ripped open her presents with freshly manicured nails. She got The Notebook on DVD, gift cards for clothes, and shoes. Everyone stood, grabbing some cookies or walking out. Ryan felt stiff next to me. I rubbed his arm, making him jump.

“Liking what you got then?” I said. He stared vaguely at me and smiled.

“Of course.” He turned away from me, looking at the Christmas tree.

“Oh, okay. Cool.” I said uncertainly.

“Someone please help me clean the kitchen. I want us to get ready for our party later.” Haley said.

“Oh, I think it’s my turn.” I offered, standing. Haley walked into the kitchen and I went to follow but Ryan grabbed my arm.

“Xio, I-I-.” Ryan started.

“Ryan, I gotta help Haley now. What?” He stared intently at me, searching my face for something.

“Ryan…what?” I said again, watching him.

“It’s nothing. Sorry.” His arm fell to his side and he looked away. I sighed.

“You know what some normal people do, Ryan? They say it, whatever it is. They step up and just say it. They don’t wimp out.” He looked up at me. “They say it. Say it.” I insisted. And I walked away then with Haley calling my name.

Writer's Worries: One last chapter left! =O Comments are always appreciated.

The inner voice is my head told me that my friendship with Ryan was probably over. It could possibly be because of his one word answers to my questions or the coldness I felt from him when we were in the same room. We didn’t say a single word to each other as we got ready for bed.

When morning came, he was gone before I even woke up and I felt my stomach squirm. The smell of scrambled eggs floated lazily in from the kitchen. Everyone was already there and Haley was serving bacon and eggs.

“Wow, you’re not wearing makeup.” Kimy said. All of us usually wore makeup constantly but I just couldn’t bring myself to wear it today. Even with its help I wasn’t pretty enough. What was the point.

“I believe your skin glows far more radiantly without it.” Haley said, smiling warmly at me. I sat and stared at my plate. Ryan was sitting across from me but hadn’t looked at me once.

“Yeah, you look prettier with a naturally like that.” Brendon said. He elbowed Ryan.

“What do you think?” Ryan gave him a filthy look.

“That’s fine Brendon. I know Ryan thinks I’m ugly.” His eyes locked with mine in surprise and I heard Brendon mumble “shit”. I grabbed my plate of uneaten food and walked over to the sink. I wasn’t very hungry anymore.

“Let me help you with that.” Ryan said timidly from behind me. I gripped my plate so hard, my knuckles turned white. His sympathy really pissed me off.

“No thank you. I think I can handle this all on my own. I wouldn’t want you to soil yourself by letting you touch me.” I said through clenched teeth and dumped the plate in, ignoring it’s banging. The room was filled with quiet confusion except for Brendon, who mumbled “shit” again. I walked away, ignoring Haley’s shocked face and resisting the urge to turn and look Ryan in the eye.

“Xio, wait.” He pleaded. The absolute regret in his voice broke my heart but I couldn’t even turn to him. There was no way I would let him creep and crawl under my skin again. I kept on walking and flipped him off. No one moved. No one followed. They didn’t dare or else Brendon was holding them back. I slammed the door as hard as I could and laughed sarcastically when the walls shook. I hadn’t meant to say any of that. It was all racing through my head as they talked and Ryan just finally pushed me over the edge. I realized I was crying but I didn’t bother to wipe them away.

I put in AFI’s CD “Sing the Sorrow” and flopped down on the floor. Half-way through, there was a knock at the door. They tried the knob but I’d locked it and they stopped immediately.

“Go away!” I shouted and rested my head on my knees. No one was safe from my wrath right now. Whoever was on the other side put something down with a thunk. Then there was silence. Curiosity was getting the better of me and after five minutes, I decided to investigate.

I opened the door slowly, peeking out to make sure no one was there. Sitting on the floor was a tiny piano. It looked like a music box where you crank the key and a little song plays. I looked around again before picking it up hesitantly. Shutting the door as quietly as possible, I inspected the piano. “P!ATD:GRR” was carved in the side and sure enough, there was little key below it. I cranked it as far as it would go and lifted up the top. I gasped as I recognized the “Intermission” part of the CD playing in a tinkling tune. There was also a note inside. It read:

Xio,

                I’m sorry about what I said the other day and about how I acted. You didn’t really deserve that. It’s just…Brendon was getting in my face and I was so mad that I just blurted something out. I’m really sorry. Please don’t booby-trap my bed.

                                                                Love,

                                                                                Ryan

I flipped the tiny note in-between my fingers and listened to the music box. It really was pretty. The note infuriated me though. Would he have fucking apologized if I hadn’t heard? If he’d just talked shit about me behind my back to keep face in front of Brendon? I wanted to throw the piano against the wall, smashing Ryan’s prized possession against the wall into a million glittering pieces. Anything to hurt him back an iota of how much he’d hurt me. I wanted to so badly but then the small, unbiased voice in my head pointed out how extremely pointless that would be. I sighed. Drama was stupid. There was a knock as the door again, small and second-guessing.

“Xio? Could we talk please?” He called through the door, his voice small. I got up and opened the door, refusing to meet his eyes. I suddenly felt embarrassed by my actions.

“Hey.” He said.

“I can’t accept your gift.” I said rubbing my arm. His face fell.

“Oh.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s yours though, I can tell it’s important. And…I just can’t take it.” I offered it to him but he wouldn’t take it.

“No, I’m the one that screwed up. It’s all yours.” We were silent for a moment, the tinkling song sounding almost eerie as it echoed in the hallway.

“May I come in?” He asked. It was a true sign of his regret that he asked, even though he too was staying in the room. I nodded and moved aside so he could enter.  “The Great Disappointment” was playing now and his eyes strayed to the radio.

“You like them?” He asked, sounding surprised as he pointed at it. I nodded and sat on my bed with my back to him. There was an awkward silence.

“You’re not going to scalp me in my sleep now, are you?” He said, taking a stab at a joke in a lame effort to break the ice.

“Ryan, why would you say something like that about me?” He was silent.

“I don’t know. Brendon was just in my face and I wanted him to shut his mouth so much. I just…kinda said it.”

“So that makes it right?” I glared at him. He hung his head.

“I’m not defending what I said.” He said sadly.

“I bet you can’t.” I said mocking his words from earlier. He flinched as if I’d thrown something at him.

“Just get the fuck outta my room.” I said, my voice quivering as I pointed to the door. He looked pleadingly at me. He walked over anyways, ignoring my command.

“Please?” I begged as he stood in front of me. What more could he possibly want from me? He pulled me into a hug, which I struggled violently against but he held me tightly.

“You’re an ass! You knew just what to say and you-you did and I ha-ha-hate you!” I was sobbing at this point as I hit his chest with my weak fists. I fell against him, giving up as I cried into his shirt. He shushed me and stroked my hair.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, resting his face on my head. “I really am sorry you know.”

I was suddenly reminded of what Brendon had said.

“He really is sorry you know.”

Writer's Worries: I actually hate this chapter. It's too serious and dramatic. I like them to be upbeat but there was no possible way to write this that way. I hope you enjoyed it though. Comments, as always, go appreciated. =)

At home, everyone seized their own packages and ran off to their rooms to wrap them. Since Ryan was in my room with me, I’d have to wrap his gift later, which was in fact an antique Spiderman comic. I hoped he thought it would be hilarious.

“Soooo…what’d you get me?” He’d been asking this question suddenly every once in a while in our conversation to shock me into answering. I was much smarter than that.

“Ryan, I am soooo not telling you!” I giggled when he pouted like a toddler denied chocolate in the candy store. Did that face have to be soooo cute?

“Hey, I was wondering where you got to during dinner. Kimy was worried too.” He added quickly.

“I just had to…clear my head.” I accidentally ripped the tape too soon and threw the tiny piece away.

“’Bout what?” He asked casually, looking at me from the corner of his eyes. Should I tell him? But what if he’d been the one? Or what if he wasn’t? Then he’d be more furious with Esteban and I don’t want to start a fight. I sighed.

“Nothing really. Just some stuff.”

“Oh.” It was silent for the first time in about thirty minutes. I sighed again and mimed choking him from behind his back.

“I’m getting tired. Can we go to sleep?” He asked, shoving the shiny paper away.

“Sure.”

When I awoke from my sleep, Ryan was already gone with his covers thrown aside. This was kind of odd since he almost always made his bed. Shaking the odd feeling in my stomach off, I changed into warmer cloths and walked out the door when Meika’s opened.

“You’re a dirty whore.” She hissed, pointing rather aggressively at me with a rolled up newspaper.

“I thought we agreed. No name calling in the morning unless you’re doing something kinky with Brendon.” I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

“Funny you should mention it since you’re screwin’ around with him!” She snarled and I stopped rubbing, trying to comprehend what she was talking about. I could have laughed if it wasn’t so serious. Was it a dream? I gagged and she nodded cheekily.

“What’s this then?” She opened the newspaper, flipped through some pages, and I gasped. It was a photo of Brendon and I hugging in the music section. Shit, that meant paparazzi was here. Why were they stalking us though?

“Come here.” I whispered, looking over my shoulder for anyone as I shoved her into her room.

“You lying bitch! I thought we were friends!” She yelled, throwing the newspaper at me and turning away but not before I saw her starting to cry.

“Meika, Meika!’ I shook her roughly.

“I love him!” She cried.

“Stop it!” I smacked her across the cheek and she stopped, hiccupping every few seconds.

“I am not messin’ around with Brendon! We’re just friends. Something happened to me yesterday that I’m not ready to talk about!” I said sternly when she showed every sign of interrupting to ask what.

“He’s the only one that knows specifically what and he was just helping me. Besides, how long have we been friends?” She hung her head.

“Exactly. Besides,” I paused, “I think I’m in love with Ryan.”

She looked up at me, shocked, and I blushed. Wow, had I just said that aloud? A red flag went up.

“Oh no, Ryan.” I said getting panicked. What if he’d seen? What would he think of me?

“Oh no.” Meika whispered, looking at the newspaper on the floor.

“What?” She looked at me.

“He knows.” She said quietly. I stared.

“I already yelled at Brendon about it and Ryan was in the room.”

“No.” I whispered. I stumbled backwards out of the room and turned. My door was now open a crack when I was sure I’d left it wide open. I tip-toed closer and listened.

“You seriously think I like Xio?” It was Brendon. I could hear someone pacing.

“Then what’s with the photo Bren? Huh? Explain that please. I’m waiting.” It was Ryan. Brendon sighed.

“I can’t.”

“I bet you can’t.” Ryan snarled.

“Why don’t you just fucking tell her you like her Ryan! Huh? How about that?” Brendon shouted, getting impatient. I heard something thunk as it fell on the ground.

“I don’t! There’s…nothing to tell!”

“No wonder your eyes are brown Ryan! ‘Cause you’re full of shit!”

“I don’t! Why would you even think I like her? She’s not anywhere pretty enough anyways.” There was a deadly silence and tears slipped down my face. How could he say that? A beast snarled in confines of my stomach, demanding I burst in and scream and yell until I fell to the ground, silent. Another part of me pulled up into a corner to lick it’s wounds and begged me to stay away. It couldn’t handle Ryan saying anything else, especially to my face, or Brendon’s sympathy. I peered through the crack and Brendon looked up, catching my eye.

I didn’t even register what he said next before I ran down the hallway and to the door with Meika’s car keys and my hand on the knob when fingers wrapped around my upper arm.

“Xio, he didn’t mean that.” Brendon said. I pulled my arm away rather aggressively, wrenching open the door and pulling my coat and scarf on.

“Where are you going?” He asked, his voice dry of any emotion. I couldn’t breath. I was trying so hard not to fall apart in front of him. It wouldn’t be fair.

“Anywhere but here.” I said and walked out.

The waitress serving my section of the Dregs Tea Shop had been giving me odd looks for the past hour. She probably knew who I was but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. I didn’t care. I turned up “Early Sunsets Over Monroeville” on MCR’s first CD on my IPOD, trying to drown out Ryan’s words. They played over and over again in my head. Brendon was wrong. Ryan wouldn’t have said something like that if he didn’t mean it. My silent tears had finally stopped when I turned my attention on my mug of hot chocolate to distract myself. I heard the door’s chime go off and saw Meika walk in, look around, spot me, and walk over.

“You need a better hiding spot.” She said smiling as she sat. I looked down at my drink.

“I’m sorry.” She said, bending her head lower so our eyes met.

                “So am I.” I whispered, another tear falling off the tip of my nose. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. After leaving a generous tip for dealing with me for so long, she took me home. I stared helplessly out the window the whole way as she tried to reassure me everything would be fine. She knew it wouldn’t, we both did. I didn’t need a flower’s petals to know he didn’t love me.

Writer's Worries: I thought this part was kind of overdramatic. But what do I know? xD Comments are always appreciated.

“Xio.” Someone spoke suddenly and quietly in my ear. I jumped, scared, until I saw Ryan’s face in the gloom looking down at me. I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the blurriness until I realized it was because I couldn’t see. I rolled my eyes, grabbed my glasses off the side table, and sat up. Ryan had climbed into my bed facing me, making me shiver, with a look of fright on his face.

“Ryan, what’s up?” I said groggily. He put his finger to his lips. I tried to ignore the fact that he was on fours in front of me, his body over my legs and arms on either side of me. I fell silent and listened. There was a creaking of the floorboards and a moan. I looked wide-eyed at him and him at me.

“What was that?” I whispered.

“Dunno. Wanna find out?” I nodded, and climbed out of bed after him. I tip-toed to my closet and grabbed a golf club some idiot friend had given me and a miniature bat from a past baseball game. I handed Ryan the club and we tip-toed to the door. Ryan pressed his ear to the door and I did too but with my face facing his. I heard nothing.

“Anything?” He mouthed. I tried to shake my head, moved away from the door, and shook it. He nodded, motioned for me to move, and opened the door a crack. He looked out and moved slowly through the door. We both hugged the wall as we moved slowly down the small hallway towards the living room. Then I heard it. A clatter from the living room, maybe even the kitchen. Ryan looked at me and I followed closely behind him. I felt someone touch me from behind.

“Ryan, stop.” I whispered.

“Stop what?” He whispered back. I stared at him.

“Wait…” I turned around.

“ARGH!!” I almost screamed when I saw Meika standing there with Brendon, both holding what looking alarmingly like the legs of a table. Brendon put his finger to his lips and I glared at him. I turned back to Ryan, who was mid-eye rolling when I shoved him. He looking around the corner and stepped into the living room. I could barely see a large shadowy figure in the kitchen. It moved out of sight. I grabbed Ryan’s arm, suddenly scared, and without turning, he grabbed my hand and rubbed my knuckles. We all crept forward silently, the two pairs on either side of the kitchen opening. Brendon raised his weapon and we all copied him. He gestured his head, indicating we should storm the kitchen, and Ryan nodded. Brendon held up three fingers. Three again. Two. One…

“RAWR!” Brendon shouted as we ran in. The lights suddenly came on and we were all blinded, screaming in pain with weapons raised, and I saw Spencer laughing his ass off with a camera in hand. Zack jumped out, roaring with his hands over his head, plastic redneck teeth in his mouth, and eyes rolling. Meika screamed and hit him upside the head with her table leg. Spencer shouted and Brendon grabbed her from behind when she wheeled around to nail him again. Ryan rushed to Zack’s side as he moaned loudly on the floor and I fell to the floor, holding my sides, as I laughed the hardest of them all.

“I’m so sorry! Are y